Thanksgiving Dinner

I am doing WAY too many things all at one time. Too many classes to teach, too many peeps to help, too many folks to listen to and just too much stuff in general. I feel like my life has turned into Thanksgiving dinner, just way too many things on my plate! My thoughts are larger than my time. I have come terms and accepted the fact the I am an enabler. Oh and it is sooo annoying! I load up my plate with tons of mashed potatoes and gravy and butter and all kinds of crap (figuratively of course) when in reality I NEED to throw my plate in the trash, grab an apple and say "sorry I'm full", wait, no, I need to say "I'm full", no need to be sorry.

When my father died, I took on the duty of making sure that my mother was okay. I never wanted her to be sad ever again. So, I "made" everything okay (in my mind) by never being unhappy or sad. Never saying "I miss him", because I did not want her to feel bad or sad. I just wanted her to be okay and happy. I have carried this lovely habit over into my 30's. I am a classic enabler and I am trying so hard to break my habit. I am trying to say "no" more and "I'm sorry" less. BUT it is SOOOOO difficult!!

Since January, I have loaded my "plate" with sooo many things to do and people to help that my plate broke. I realized it last weekend. I started to feel like I wanted to run away. So, I am taking a week off of work to relax. I have not had any alcohol for a few months now, and I think that helped me realize how much I was doing. I was not a very big drinker to begin with. I was back in the day, but that's a different blog : ) Anyway, I wasn't a big drinker to begin with. One day, I woke up and realized I did not want to drink alcohol. No reason, no time limit, no nothing, just did not want it. I would out of habit, come home after a long day and pour myself a glass of wine. Now, without it, it has forced me to "scan" my day and deal with my exhaustion. This has been a really good experience.

One thing that was bugging me was that I have noticed that I am seriously slacking on my Tivo in real life commitment I made! I have found myself saying (in my head of course) I wish I could rewind what that person just said. There have been many moments where, if asked, I could not repeat what you just said to me. I don't know where my mind has gone. It is pretty incredible how thin we can actually stretch ourselves! How much I can cram into one day or week is astonishing.

So, this week, I am putting an end to my Thanksgiving dinner syndrome madness!