Thank you for not speaking (so loud)

So I have been on this listening kick.  I get on these "kicks" sometimes; like, I will not drink beer, I will run 8 miles a day, I will TRY to clean up my vocabulary..etc.  Just for the record, unfortunately I cuss like a sailor.  I think it is because of my working environment.  When men get together and are doing physical work outdoors and chewing and spitting(tobacco), they tend to cuss more and so I have developed an eclectic array of ways to incorporate the F word into everyday sentences.

Anyway.  I have been listening.  Because of this, I have noticed so many new things about people I have known for years.  People, it seems, have a need to fill the silence between two people. Almost as if silence is uncomfortable or unaccepted.

Because of my drivers license issue, I have been kind of working solo lately.  Which, by the way, please do not feel sorry for me, I love it!  I like the silence.  

I went to a grass fire the other day.  It was small, 10-15 acres.  Four engines that I knew very well responded with me along with a bunch of other folks.  As I made way around the fireline, I would stop to simply say hello, hug or smile at someone I knew.  

I noticed an instant verbal tap-dancing for pennies of affirmation!  Gossiping, lying, speculating, spot-light hogging and conversation dominating.  Whew!  I was exhausted!  I have worked with this same group of guys for years and I guess I just never really listened to verbal production these guys put on.  I also noticed how loud everyone speaks as if almost trying to outspeak the one next to them. 

People were getting worked up and looking to me for approval on the subject.  I never once felt the need to participate.  I kept moving on to the next little clique; same thing, different topic.   

This made me start to think about what comes out of my own mouth.  Do I speak that loud? Do I have the same diarrhea of the mouth with nothing positive to say?  I often say things only to cringe the next second thinking why did I say that?  It was a great reminder to think before I speak.

That night as I sat in my bubble bath re-playing the day over in my mind( I always like to wash the "Hulk Hogan" mist off me before I go to sleep), I realised that today, there was never a moment when I was waiting to speak.  

This is REALLY weird; for some strange reason (I swear this is true), since I have been on this listening kick, I have had to sleep with ear plugs!  So weird!  All the little noises at night have been waking me.  How's that for a conscious effort!

Tivo in real life

I remember when Tivo first came out, well let me rephrase that; I remember when I first heard of Tivo.  I thought "Oh great! Just what Americans need...MORE TV.  More overweight teens, even more kids glued to their TVs than catching lizards or reading books."  Then of course, I got one.

I was vacuuming the other day (cleaning the house is where I get the big ideas!) and I was thinking how cool it is that I can rewind instead of always saying "what did he say?".  So I thought, "Damn it would be cool if I could have Tivo in real life".

Have you ever noticed (I highly doubt that it's just me here) that we wait to speak?  I mean really, WE all do!  I have been (trying) to bring consciousness to this habit.  When someone is telling you a story you can't wait to jump in and say "me too" or "oh my god that happened to me once". Me, me, me, me, me, me.  Geez!

This waiting speak thing is so odd and so predictable of us human folks.  Very often I find myself throwing out a comment only to find that the other person was not even finished with their story.  I have had so many arguments (we really don't fight that often) with my boyfriend when I wish I could just rewind what he said and play it back it to him.  But, that is when I am the worst.  I don't listen to anything!  I am seriously just waiting to speak and as soon as I can get a word in there, I fire off.

I have discovered that I DO have Tivo in real life.  If I just slow my mind and really listen to what people are saying, I would need to rewind all of the time.  We miss so much because we are in such a hurry.  What are we late for?  Why are we rushing all the time?

I am turning my Tivo in real life off.  I don't need it anymore.  All I have to do is stop waiting to speak and just listen : )