when i was 14, my friend maren had a baby. she named that little girl maeve, after me. it was so surreal to me. today, i'm so happy for her! maren now has 3 kids maeve, laird and ilona. little maeve is the coolest kid. she is now 14, the age that i was when maren got prego with her! they just came to visit and now little laird ahs stolen my heart, dammit!
i have told my mom so many times, "i f-ing hate kids!". "i hate screaming, crying, pooping, barfing, yelling stupid kids!". my mother says she hated kids as well until she had me. she said "it's different when you have your own. you fall in love all over again and cant think about anything but them." i always said "whatever, i hate em!"
miss malina and her parents along with her younger baby 1 year old brother kapono moved in with me a few years ago. everyone said, "wow, you're going to live with kids". i never even tripped on it for some reason. i guess just because i loved malina and kapono so much. it was a dream having them live with me. i loved every minute of it. i could fill them up with sugar and give them super annoying toys and never have to deal with the results! i spoil malina rotten, its so bad!
they moved out about a year ago and my boyfriend and his little girl moved in. but its not the same. i miss my malina. she is tough 7 year old tom boy with a great little sense of humor and she is way to keen to the way that we adults live! while i was training for a marathon, she would do squats and luges with me everyday. she crashed a quad with no helmet going about 20 mph and didn't cry; she laughed and said "that was fun". her and kapono have given me the ability to love kids.
for some reason lately, i have been wanting to teach kids. not educationally, because i'm dumb as a doorknob! i want to teach them yoga and i want to take them on hikes and teach them about plants and the outdoors. i want them to know what their bodies can do and i want them to know how to heal. i want malina and mia to know that they can do absolutely anything they want, if they just try. i want them to know how cool it is to just be you, the way you are, you are perfect. i want to tell them what my grandma always says to me when i think something is a big deal and i'm stressing; "oh sweetie, 10 years from who is gonna remember anyway? it doesn't matter"
god help me, but i think i might even want to have my own kid. that feels so weird to say. some people know they want kids their whole lives. like all my friends, they always say "ohh, how cute, can i hold your baby". "BARF!" that thing is not soo cute, it looks like an alien! i DO NOT want to hold your baby, please dot ask me! i don't know what to do with that thing and it will most likely barf some white gross smelling liquid that probably just came out of your boobs. why on earth did you have a baby???" of course i would never verbalise these thoughts! i would play the societal game and say things like "ohh, he is adorable, he smells just like a baby" what the hell does a baby smell like? POOP, that's what babies smell like! now puppy breath, now that's what i'm talking about! YES, i totally want to hold and love your puppy!
but somewhere along road to almost 30, i kinda fell in love with kids. why? why me? i don't really want to like them but i do. i hate that my mother was right, again!
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