Thank you for not speaking (so loud)

So I have been on this listening kick.  I get on these "kicks" sometimes; like, I will not drink beer, I will run 8 miles a day, I will TRY to clean up my vocabulary..etc.  Just for the record, unfortunately I cuss like a sailor.  I think it is because of my working environment.  When men get together and are doing physical work outdoors and chewing and spitting(tobacco), they tend to cuss more and so I have developed an eclectic array of ways to incorporate the F word into everyday sentences.

Anyway.  I have been listening.  Because of this, I have noticed so many new things about people I have known for years.  People, it seems, have a need to fill the silence between two people. Almost as if silence is uncomfortable or unaccepted.

Because of my drivers license issue, I have been kind of working solo lately.  Which, by the way, please do not feel sorry for me, I love it!  I like the silence.  

I went to a grass fire the other day.  It was small, 10-15 acres.  Four engines that I knew very well responded with me along with a bunch of other folks.  As I made way around the fireline, I would stop to simply say hello, hug or smile at someone I knew.  

I noticed an instant verbal tap-dancing for pennies of affirmation!  Gossiping, lying, speculating, spot-light hogging and conversation dominating.  Whew!  I was exhausted!  I have worked with this same group of guys for years and I guess I just never really listened to verbal production these guys put on.  I also noticed how loud everyone speaks as if almost trying to outspeak the one next to them. 

People were getting worked up and looking to me for approval on the subject.  I never once felt the need to participate.  I kept moving on to the next little clique; same thing, different topic.   

This made me start to think about what comes out of my own mouth.  Do I speak that loud? Do I have the same diarrhea of the mouth with nothing positive to say?  I often say things only to cringe the next second thinking why did I say that?  It was a great reminder to think before I speak.

That night as I sat in my bubble bath re-playing the day over in my mind( I always like to wash the "Hulk Hogan" mist off me before I go to sleep), I realised that today, there was never a moment when I was waiting to speak.  

This is REALLY weird; for some strange reason (I swear this is true), since I have been on this listening kick, I have had to sleep with ear plugs!  So weird!  All the little noises at night have been waking me.  How's that for a conscious effort!

Tivo in real life

I remember when Tivo first came out, well let me rephrase that; I remember when I first heard of Tivo.  I thought "Oh great! Just what Americans need...MORE TV.  More overweight teens, even more kids glued to their TVs than catching lizards or reading books."  Then of course, I got one.

I was vacuuming the other day (cleaning the house is where I get the big ideas!) and I was thinking how cool it is that I can rewind instead of always saying "what did he say?".  So I thought, "Damn it would be cool if I could have Tivo in real life".

Have you ever noticed (I highly doubt that it's just me here) that we wait to speak?  I mean really, WE all do!  I have been (trying) to bring consciousness to this habit.  When someone is telling you a story you can't wait to jump in and say "me too" or "oh my god that happened to me once". Me, me, me, me, me, me.  Geez!

This waiting speak thing is so odd and so predictable of us human folks.  Very often I find myself throwing out a comment only to find that the other person was not even finished with their story.  I have had so many arguments (we really don't fight that often) with my boyfriend when I wish I could just rewind what he said and play it back it to him.  But, that is when I am the worst.  I don't listen to anything!  I am seriously just waiting to speak and as soon as I can get a word in there, I fire off.

I have discovered that I DO have Tivo in real life.  If I just slow my mind and really listen to what people are saying, I would need to rewind all of the time.  We miss so much because we are in such a hurry.  What are we late for?  Why are we rushing all the time?

I am turning my Tivo in real life off.  I don't need it anymore.  All I have to do is stop waiting to speak and just listen : )

Boogie Body!

Food for thought....and a cold

I have been home sick with a cold since Sunday night.  I spent the day with my God children.  Laurel warned me "we have all been sick you know, I haven't left the couch in a week".  "It's cool I said, I'm not worried about it".  I am healthy, I eat right (sometimes), I take vitamins, I excersize regularly and I am happy....not worried about it at all.

Around 8p.m., I feel that hard to swallow, sore, itchy feeling in my throught.  "No way", I thought. Monday morning, yup, I'm sick.

So I have been thinking.  Amongst the madness in my head has been my favorite foods

Papa Lennon's in Meiners Oaks has FANTASTIC pizza!  I love the Margharetia pizza, the house salad, the ceaser salad, the tomatoe, basil, garlic pizza and the peperoni pizza.  They also have one of my favorite wines Opollo.....yum!  Oh if your going to have wine, make sure you have a driver : )

Azu used to make a portabelo mushroom that was out of this world!  They also used to make the best grilled artichoke, it's still there, just not as good.  They have a great candied walnut salad and a decnent Caprese Salad.  They too have one of my favorite wines, I can't remember off the top of my sick head but it's from the Marlborough region of New Zealand.

Farmer and The Cook has EVERYTHING I want!  I could go on forever but I'll just mention the Creamy Feta salad dressing (OH MY GOD) and their Scones are super bomb!

Los Copareles makes the very best Original Margarita on the rocks, a delicious Nector De Los Dioses and they are the only place around that I know of that makes a fresh Chili Relleno with out the egg batter(I don't like the fluffy egg stuff).

Palermo in Ventura makes the best Vanilla Latte 

World Flavor cafe has the most perfectly concocted orange lemonade!!!!!!

Cafe Fiore has a pumpkin squash ravioli that literally makes your eyes close when you taste it!

There are lots more but I'm getting full.

Thank you for not taking me to jail : )

There is hidden meaning in all the events in our lives, especially the struggles; these can serve to format us-if we choose to let them.  I have preached this so many times.  Now I am trying to preach it to myself and it's working.

I have fallen upon difficult times.  For the first time in my life I was stressed out.  I never really knew what that TRULY felt like until recently.  I would think every once in a while "man, that was stressful", but I never really felt it; physically.

So, it's our anniversary.  Andy & I decide to go SB to lay in the sun and eat fish tacos.  I didn't really like the fish tacos, so I didn't eat much of them.  I drink a Pina Colada and have a few Corona's with lime and salt : )  I get pulled over for speeding (75 because I was passing a car).  The cop asks "have you been drinking".  Andy had drank quite a bit more than I, we had the windows rolled up and the AC on so we could rock out to Sublime, I am sure he can smell it.  I am not scared, I thought I was fine.  I answered "yes, I had a a few beers with lunch" being honest thinking that's what you should do.  

Long story short, I got a DUI.  Lessons learned:

1) Don't drink and drive, it's not worth it.

2) At my body weight, after 4 beers I am over the .08 legal limit (good to know!)

3) The police officer was kind enough NOT to take me to jail because I "clearly" wasn't "drunk"

4) The police officer said "you should always say "no" if an officer asks you if you have been drinking.  93% of the time, he will not press the issue, if you say "yes", we [police] have to give you a breathalyzer."  

5)Riding in a police car makes you feel sad

6)Police station's aren't that bad (I'm sure jail is a different story)

7) I realized how many times I go to Azu, Papa Lennons, Mom's house, Grandma's house for dinner and share a bottle of wine.  This could have happened sooner.  I'm glad it did not.

8) My perfect driving record is gone.  I have never had a ticket : ) (the cop pointed that one out)

9)If you call someone to come get your car and the tow truck BEATS them to it, you have to pay $480 to get your car back.

10)The DMV was already difficult, now I might write a book about this whole experience : )  

I cried, I sobbed, I wept, I was sooooo ashamed.  Today, I am over it!  Whew!!  I am dealing with it, I will pay my fines and move on with my life : )

Everything happens for a reason.  Why this?  I don't know.  I do know that we create the issues/dramas in our lives.  I don't know why I created this......but I'm okay with it now.  I sure could have used the $10,000 elsewhere! 

tight spot

i love the "magic" of yoga! i love how you can walk away and just come right back to it. i love how it magically makes you come face to face with those "tight spots" that you just stuff away so that you don't have to look at them.

i did some major talking the other night. that was big for me. i'm great at listening, i'd rather listen than have to talk about my issues..."what issues?" "i don't have any issues!". ha! so i spoke. i didn't want to, it just came out of nowhere. literally! i just burst into tears after one comment and it all came spilling sloppily out of my mouth. i spoke about somethings for the first time. it was heavy and i felt lighter the next day.

i developed a sore throat the next day. i paid no attention though, i even said "it's from sleeping with the window open". the next day it hurt more. i gargled with warm salt water and shut the window. the next day it got worse. i was not sick at all just a very sore throat. while i was at a yoga class it dawned on me...duh it's from speaking! i had finally cleared my throat. i had found and opened my tight spot. that afternoon, i was back to normal and felt great : )

shorty

only recently have i begun to wear shoes without a heel. growing up in hawaii, all i ever wore were rubber slippers. during the day of school, sometimes your rubber slipper would break and it was cool to walk around for the rest of the day barefoot. no one would look at you weird or make fun of you, they just knew your slipper broke.

when i went off to college i was floored. i spent the first month simply staring. the other girls have fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails, fake tans and HUGE shoes! i was so amazed. i decided i was going to be sophisticated and wear big shoes too. so i did. for the last 10 years it has been rare to see without semi-platforms or slippers with a heel.

about 6 months ago i decided i don't like heels anymore. i have packed the majority of them away into the back of closet. it feels so good to just be short again!