Coyote Two Moon

I want to run 100 miles. Let's see the furthest I have ever ran is 16 miles. But, I want to do 100. My favorite place in the whole world (well, what I have seen of it) to run is Horn Canyon. I swear, I feel like I am in child's pose whenever I am up there....just so at home and at ease. I love love love to run that trail. Like I could marry that trail!

I went to buy a new pair of running shoes and the lady who worked there told me about a run she was doing called the Coyote Two Moon in the Los Padres National Forest. It is 100 miles and starts and ends at Horn Canyon. The 2010 race was this weekend. They start at 6pm on Friday and run until about 10am on Sunday (today), hence the two moons: ) I could not sleep the last couple of nights thinking about people running in the dark, in the rain and possibly in the snow. I am fascinated and I want to do it BAD!!! I am going to do it in 2011!!

Okay, yes, I do need to be realistic : ) There is a difference of 84 miles between the Coyote Two Moon and my heavy pavement pounding knee jerking 16 mile run. I completely lack skill, form and gracefulness, but I have a new pair of shoes and I am going to try!

Thanksgiving Dinner

I am doing WAY too many things all at one time. Too many classes to teach, too many peeps to help, too many folks to listen to and just too much stuff in general. I feel like my life has turned into Thanksgiving dinner, just way too many things on my plate! My thoughts are larger than my time. I have come terms and accepted the fact the I am an enabler. Oh and it is sooo annoying! I load up my plate with tons of mashed potatoes and gravy and butter and all kinds of crap (figuratively of course) when in reality I NEED to throw my plate in the trash, grab an apple and say "sorry I'm full", wait, no, I need to say "I'm full", no need to be sorry.

When my father died, I took on the duty of making sure that my mother was okay. I never wanted her to be sad ever again. So, I "made" everything okay (in my mind) by never being unhappy or sad. Never saying "I miss him", because I did not want her to feel bad or sad. I just wanted her to be okay and happy. I have carried this lovely habit over into my 30's. I am a classic enabler and I am trying so hard to break my habit. I am trying to say "no" more and "I'm sorry" less. BUT it is SOOOOO difficult!!

Since January, I have loaded my "plate" with sooo many things to do and people to help that my plate broke. I realized it last weekend. I started to feel like I wanted to run away. So, I am taking a week off of work to relax. I have not had any alcohol for a few months now, and I think that helped me realize how much I was doing. I was not a very big drinker to begin with. I was back in the day, but that's a different blog : ) Anyway, I wasn't a big drinker to begin with. One day, I woke up and realized I did not want to drink alcohol. No reason, no time limit, no nothing, just did not want it. I would out of habit, come home after a long day and pour myself a glass of wine. Now, without it, it has forced me to "scan" my day and deal with my exhaustion. This has been a really good experience.

One thing that was bugging me was that I have noticed that I am seriously slacking on my Tivo in real life commitment I made! I have found myself saying (in my head of course) I wish I could rewind what that person just said. There have been many moments where, if asked, I could not repeat what you just said to me. I don't know where my mind has gone. It is pretty incredible how thin we can actually stretch ourselves! How much I can cram into one day or week is astonishing.

So, this week, I am putting an end to my Thanksgiving dinner syndrome madness!

Thank you for not speaking (so loud)

So I have been on this listening kick.  I get on these "kicks" sometimes; like, I will not drink beer, I will run 8 miles a day, I will TRY to clean up my vocabulary..etc.  Just for the record, unfortunately I cuss like a sailor.  I think it is because of my working environment.  When men get together and are doing physical work outdoors and chewing and spitting(tobacco), they tend to cuss more and so I have developed an eclectic array of ways to incorporate the F word into everyday sentences.

Anyway.  I have been listening.  Because of this, I have noticed so many new things about people I have known for years.  People, it seems, have a need to fill the silence between two people. Almost as if silence is uncomfortable or unaccepted.

Because of my drivers license issue, I have been kind of working solo lately.  Which, by the way, please do not feel sorry for me, I love it!  I like the silence.  

I went to a grass fire the other day.  It was small, 10-15 acres.  Four engines that I knew very well responded with me along with a bunch of other folks.  As I made way around the fireline, I would stop to simply say hello, hug or smile at someone I knew.  

I noticed an instant verbal tap-dancing for pennies of affirmation!  Gossiping, lying, speculating, spot-light hogging and conversation dominating.  Whew!  I was exhausted!  I have worked with this same group of guys for years and I guess I just never really listened to verbal production these guys put on.  I also noticed how loud everyone speaks as if almost trying to outspeak the one next to them. 

People were getting worked up and looking to me for approval on the subject.  I never once felt the need to participate.  I kept moving on to the next little clique; same thing, different topic.   

This made me start to think about what comes out of my own mouth.  Do I speak that loud? Do I have the same diarrhea of the mouth with nothing positive to say?  I often say things only to cringe the next second thinking why did I say that?  It was a great reminder to think before I speak.

That night as I sat in my bubble bath re-playing the day over in my mind( I always like to wash the "Hulk Hogan" mist off me before I go to sleep), I realised that today, there was never a moment when I was waiting to speak.  

This is REALLY weird; for some strange reason (I swear this is true), since I have been on this listening kick, I have had to sleep with ear plugs!  So weird!  All the little noises at night have been waking me.  How's that for a conscious effort!

Tivo in real life

I remember when Tivo first came out, well let me rephrase that; I remember when I first heard of Tivo.  I thought "Oh great! Just what Americans need...MORE TV.  More overweight teens, even more kids glued to their TVs than catching lizards or reading books."  Then of course, I got one.

I was vacuuming the other day (cleaning the house is where I get the big ideas!) and I was thinking how cool it is that I can rewind instead of always saying "what did he say?".  So I thought, "Damn it would be cool if I could have Tivo in real life".

Have you ever noticed (I highly doubt that it's just me here) that we wait to speak?  I mean really, WE all do!  I have been (trying) to bring consciousness to this habit.  When someone is telling you a story you can't wait to jump in and say "me too" or "oh my god that happened to me once". Me, me, me, me, me, me.  Geez!

This waiting speak thing is so odd and so predictable of us human folks.  Very often I find myself throwing out a comment only to find that the other person was not even finished with their story.  I have had so many arguments (we really don't fight that often) with my boyfriend when I wish I could just rewind what he said and play it back it to him.  But, that is when I am the worst.  I don't listen to anything!  I am seriously just waiting to speak and as soon as I can get a word in there, I fire off.

I have discovered that I DO have Tivo in real life.  If I just slow my mind and really listen to what people are saying, I would need to rewind all of the time.  We miss so much because we are in such a hurry.  What are we late for?  Why are we rushing all the time?

I am turning my Tivo in real life off.  I don't need it anymore.  All I have to do is stop waiting to speak and just listen : )

Boogie Body!

Food for thought....and a cold

I have been home sick with a cold since Sunday night.  I spent the day with my God children.  Laurel warned me "we have all been sick you know, I haven't left the couch in a week".  "It's cool I said, I'm not worried about it".  I am healthy, I eat right (sometimes), I take vitamins, I excersize regularly and I am happy....not worried about it at all.

Around 8p.m., I feel that hard to swallow, sore, itchy feeling in my throught.  "No way", I thought. Monday morning, yup, I'm sick.

So I have been thinking.  Amongst the madness in my head has been my favorite foods

Papa Lennon's in Meiners Oaks has FANTASTIC pizza!  I love the Margharetia pizza, the house salad, the ceaser salad, the tomatoe, basil, garlic pizza and the peperoni pizza.  They also have one of my favorite wines Opollo.....yum!  Oh if your going to have wine, make sure you have a driver : )

Azu used to make a portabelo mushroom that was out of this world!  They also used to make the best grilled artichoke, it's still there, just not as good.  They have a great candied walnut salad and a decnent Caprese Salad.  They too have one of my favorite wines, I can't remember off the top of my sick head but it's from the Marlborough region of New Zealand.

Farmer and The Cook has EVERYTHING I want!  I could go on forever but I'll just mention the Creamy Feta salad dressing (OH MY GOD) and their Scones are super bomb!

Los Copareles makes the very best Original Margarita on the rocks, a delicious Nector De Los Dioses and they are the only place around that I know of that makes a fresh Chili Relleno with out the egg batter(I don't like the fluffy egg stuff).

Palermo in Ventura makes the best Vanilla Latte 

World Flavor cafe has the most perfectly concocted orange lemonade!!!!!!

Cafe Fiore has a pumpkin squash ravioli that literally makes your eyes close when you taste it!

There are lots more but I'm getting full.

tight spot

i love the "magic" of yoga! i love how you can walk away and just come right back to it. i love how it magically makes you come face to face with those "tight spots" that you just stuff away so that you don't have to look at them.

i did some major talking the other night. that was big for me. i'm great at listening, i'd rather listen than have to talk about my issues..."what issues?" "i don't have any issues!". ha! so i spoke. i didn't want to, it just came out of nowhere. literally! i just burst into tears after one comment and it all came spilling sloppily out of my mouth. i spoke about somethings for the first time. it was heavy and i felt lighter the next day.

i developed a sore throat the next day. i paid no attention though, i even said "it's from sleeping with the window open". the next day it hurt more. i gargled with warm salt water and shut the window. the next day it got worse. i was not sick at all just a very sore throat. while i was at a yoga class it dawned on me...duh it's from speaking! i had finally cleared my throat. i had found and opened my tight spot. that afternoon, i was back to normal and felt great : )